A Short Story By Andrew Chalfoun

Illustrated By Pei Hong Tan

Narrated By Alden Phelps 

NAME’S Side, James B. Side, the best private sleuth in all o’ Texas.

I can tell a criminal just by the look in his eye. I can find a man even when the scent’s three weeks old. The trouble is there ain’t much work down here. I blame forensics. I mean now a’ days they can use a fleck of skin to find out what a person ate for lunch. Oh sure, it might have something to do with those few little failures I’ve had in the past, but frankly I think taking a wrong turn and losing that international jewel thief could o’ happened to anyone.



OK, I guess forgetting to load my gun that one time (all right those three times) was unfortunate, but I bet Sherlock Holmes did it all the time. Or maybe it was that thing at the bar. It was a really important case, see. Well I walked in to this bar an’ there were all these people lookin’ at me an’ I knew I had to make a good impression so I used my tough voice an’ said:

“Uh, is anyone here a criminal?” Only it didn’t come out quite as tough as I wanted.

Then this big guy came up to me and to me and grabbed me by the scruff of the neck. And the next thing I knew I was out in the street. Talk about rude. It didn't go down well with my employer, I can tell you.

Well anyway, I’ve quit. To become an insurance salesman, the best insurance salesman on this side of the Rio Grande!